Ask Periwinkle

Dear Periwinkle, I want to make each accommodation unit at my glampsite as unique as possible, the idea being that guests will return to try each one out. Any ideas on how to achieve this?
Lolly Savauge, Gloucestershire

Pick a theme and stick to it. Take it to the max – no excuses. That’s the way to win the curiosity then hard cash of your clientele. Let me lend you some ideas I stumbled across in my last round of ‘research’ in the US, a country where glamping can be as off the wall as its leaders.

I stayed in Sons of Anarchy inspired yurts in northern California – they were ‘charming’, with biker jacket upholstered headboards, a pizza oven fashioned from bits of Harley, and a quite a lot of bullet holes in the canvas walls for much needed ventilation on those hot nights.

In Utah, I was served iced tea in a geodesic dome done up as a saloon (the Thandie Newton robot waiting on me was a nice touch), while in Albuquerque, New Mexico, my Breaking Bad-themed Winnebago-cum-crystal-meth-lab had some super little touches, like blue soap.

Why steer away from what’s clearly working, and go bravely into other ‘box set’ territory? Game of Thrones has probably been done to horrible death by now; perhaps celebrate all things British – the Crown or Downton Abbey? With tiny homes still on trend you could do a fantastic pint sized Jacobean palace.

Dear Periwinkle, how do I jump on the barn wedding band wagon? I have a barn but it isn’t really what you would call a rustic idyll. Anything I can do to attract couples despite this?
Austin Weed, Hampshire

Ah, well young man, you might have just stumbled upon a new and potentially lucrative part of the market that I, as a millennial trend detective, have been keeping a close eye on myself.

There is an emerging part of the what I call the ‘Darling Buds’ sector that is re-imagining the barn-style knees up, the gentrification of which has made what should be a frugal affair often more costly than 300m2 of premium canvas on the lawn of a stately home.

Think about deconstructing the reconstruction of what was quite literally a spit and ‘straw-dust’ venue. Don’t worry about the exposed steel and concrete, rolls of stock fencing, last year’s mouldering silage bales and your feral cats – these folks will love them! They will fit right in with the rusty, grubby (and cheap) vibe they crave. Authenticity is king in this game, and these couples are after the real thing – farming in the raw; just make sure guests have had their tetanus shots.

Dear Periwinkle, I am looking for a unique structure to host a series of open air concerts this year; budget is no problem as I am loaded.
Evan Dewberry, Dorset

Now that is music to my ears. It just so happens I have launched a new online marquee portal especially for the likes of yourself – discerning event organisers where cash plays second fiddle to awe inspiring spaces (and logistics). Just login to and browse hundreds of structures from the sublime to the ridiculous. I am a particular fan of one of my own commissions – I’ve got a place in China remaking the Shard (quarter size for obvious reasons) – shipped to your site in 35 shipping containers with a build time of around three months. The acoustics are phenomenal, and we even include the glass lift; a concession to money saving – you won’t need to hire cherry pickers to get to the lighting truss.

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